Friday, May 29, 2009


i want to be dead. is that too much to ask for? all i wanted for my birthday was to see my boyfriend and a week after to be dead. is that too much?
is there something wrong
with people
who want to be
my friends think so because they tell me to get out of the middle of the street when i walk.
i tell them on the fone that i am going to hang myself that nite.
they say that they wont get off the fone until i promise them i wont kill myself.
i never seem to do it tho.
i have once.
i took a knife to my legs.
i only cut once.
you could see the blood run down my legs.
i was fancisatedby the blood,
but i had to stop.
so i rinsed the knife off.
and i put it back where it belongs.
i was pissed.
i couldnt smoke
(mom was home)
i couldnt drink
(mom didnt have any)
couldnt kill myself
(my friends would kill me again)
so i decided to stay alive
until i really wanted to die.
that wouldnt be a long time tho.
poeple saw the cuts on my legs.
they called me emo.
i know
that they dont know
why i did it tho.
they will probably never know.
one day i hope
people will quit making fun
of people who are different.
we dont like it when they do.
im different-
i cut to kill
im bi
i may look emo
but the "regulars"-
blonde hair,
mini skirts,
is it alright to be different??
of course it is.
is it okay to be someone your not?
hell no!
you should be yourself.
is it okay to judge others?
but i really dont know.
is it okay to label people what there not?
it isnt okay to hurt people,
but thats why i wanted to kill myself.
people hurt my feelings.
i may be sensitive,
and i may have the guts to cry in skewl,
but i probably dont have the guts to stand up for myself.
it takes guts for me
to walk into skewl everyday knowing that
people know everything about me.
its a weird feeling..
we probably all have that weird feeling tho.
knowing something that you shouldnt know.
you feel guilty.
you feel ashamed.
thats how i feel

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